The Scallop — Page 7

October 23, 2014 By Mary van Balen 1 Comment

Lesson from the Leaves

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

I’m in Virginia visiting my daughter and to get here I had to drive through West Virginia’s mountains. My friends know that driving through West Virginia is the part of the trip I dread. Mom, born in West Virgina and a resident for a while (while I was five and six) could never understand my feelings. The mountains are beautiful, she’d say. They are. But so is the ocean and the more open vistas of Virginia. Trucks don’t whiz by on one side of their highways while the mountain drops away on the other side.

Granted, the highways through West Virginia have improved immensely since I began driving them each summer on the way to the beach with my family. Still, I don’t relish the thought of winding through them to arrive at the east coast. I thought about using the Pennsylvania turnpike this time. Google Maps showed it passing through fewer mountainous regions, but the substantial toll caused me to reconsider.

Parisian hot chocolate at the Blue Talon

So, Tuesday, a rainy grey day (Rain is right up there with semis and fog in my list of things that make mountain driving worse.) I set off in time to make it to Virginia before darkness fell. As I sat at the Blue Talon restaurant, sharing amazingly rich, creamy hot chocolate with a brick of homemade marshmallow floating in the silver cup, I shared the mountain drive with my daughter and her friend. I had to admit that the leaves were stunning, even without the benefit of bright sun.

“The colors were breathtaking. I could only imagine how they would’ve looked if rain wasn’t falling and clouds weren’t obscuring more direct light. I would’ve had to stop to gaze at them. As it was, keeping my eyes on the road was work.” My mother appreciated mountain beauty year round, and even if I were a begrudging seasonal admirer, she would’ve approved of my admission.

I thought of my drive as I read this blog by Omid Safi on Krista Tippet’s “On Being.” The magnificent colors of autumn forests have a message for us: Welcome the little deaths that come. They unmask the Divine that is already present in us. Today’s first reading at Mass also speaks of the Presence that is already within us:

Ephesians 3:14-20
This is what I pray, kneeling before the Father, from whom every family, whether spiritual or natural, takes its name:
Out of his infinite glory, may he give you the power through his Spirit for your hidden self to grow strong, so that Christ may live in your hearts through faith, and then, planted in love and built on love, you will with all the saints have strength to grasp the breadth and the length, the height and the depth; until, knowing the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, you are filled with the utter fullness of God.

I can’t wait for the short trip to the beach my daughter and I will enjoy beginning tomorrow. I am an ocean person at heart. Still, after reading the blog, I’m hoping for a sunny day to drive back home. The thought of glorious color and prayer breathing out of those mountains may ease my dread of the West Virginia trek.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: autumn, creation, death, grace, leaves, Parisian hot chocolate, Presence, The Blue Talon

October 13, 2014 By Mary van Balen 1 Comment

The Synod on the Family

Posted on new.va

The Synod on the Family, called by Pope Francis, is into week two. The first document has been released. It is really a summary of what has been discussed thus far. The rest of the week will be spent with the bishops in small groups, refining the document that then will be released. As noted in NCR’s article, the document speaks in new tones of listening and recognition of the dignity of persons, and with mercy.

Still, I find myself bristling at the continued use of the word “failure” or “failed” in discussion of divorced people. Yes, truly listening to the concerns and realities of ordinary people is a step forward and perhaps heralds a coming openness to change in policies that do not reflect the love and mercy of Jesus. Still, as one who is divorced and who has worked with women in abusive situations, I must say that many times, leaving a marriage is not a “failure,” but a success. To stay in a relationship that has become oppressive, that no longer is life-giving, or that has become abusive simply to “obey the rules” is not something to encourage.

In some of these situations, if the spouses (or spouse) would pursue an annulment, the church might say the sacramental marriage was invalid, it never happened….But many do not pursue such a course. The church should respect the persons involved, not calling them failures, but supporting them as they move on.

A topic completely missing from the discussion is that of the transgender community. (Read entire document here.) Often overlooked, the “T” in “LGBT” needs to be considered. Many transgendered people have left the Catholic church after enduring humiliating experiences including the suggestion that they be exorcised for the demon within. The lack of understanding of current medical and psychological knowledge about this reality is a glaring omission.

Today, the issues of the transgender community are becoming more and more visible in the media and social consciousness of the reality has grown. The Roman Catholic Church needs to follow that lead.

The current movement is hopeful. We’ll see how far the Spirit leads and how far the Church follows.

Filed Under: The Scallop, Widening Our Circles Tagged With: catholic, compassion, faith, gender, grace, hope, inclusion, LGBT, mercy, Pope Francis, Synod on Family

October 8, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

The Heavens Declare the Glory of God

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

I’m always ready for a celestial event, but Ohio skies do not always cooperate. Many are the times I stood under the canopy of night sky, looked up, and saw only darkness. I contented myself with the knowledge that beyond the cloak of clouds, meteors were falling, Mars was passing close, or the moon was being eaten by earth’s shadow. But early this morning, Ohio skies were clear and the full lunar eclipse was spectacular.

I texted and called my daughters, made tea, placed my kitchen step stool on the driveway and settled down to watch with my eyes, binoculars, and a monocular purchased for star gazing.

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the sky manifests God’s handiwork. Day after day proclaims it and night after night shows it forth…

My buddy, Orion was watching, too, his broad shoulders and belted sword visible over my shoulder. Comforting. Orion has been my guardian for years. When my marriage was floundering, I stood on our side porch and felt the overpowering presence of someone taking care of me. Oriron was God’s messenger, silently telling me that Love was Present.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

There is no speech, nor language, nor is their voice heard, yet their proclamation has gone forth through all the earth and their message to the end of the world…

So, it was fitting to sit under the night sky and watch with Orion as the moon turned from bright to red. Lunar eclipses show off the sphericalness of the moon. Sometimes, it looks like a flat silver disk in the sky. Not during an eclipse-definitely a ball. Even with my unaided eyes, I could make out the craters and seas. Once completely in earth’s shadow the moon’s details were easier to see.

A few joggers went by, and a few cars. I wondered if they were looking at the sky or simply straight ahead. The earth, sun, and moon were showing off their glorious dance through the cosmos with a spectacular move, like a deep dip in ballroom dancing, just to make sure we notice how marvelous they are.

Give thanks to the Lord, for the Lord is good….to the Lord who by wisdom made the heavens, for the Lord’s mercy endures forever…to the Lord who made the great lights, for the Lord’s mercy endures forever; the sun to rule the day, for the Lord’s mercy endures forever; the moon and stars to rule the night, for the Lord’s mercy endures forever…

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

In the quiet of the morning, in the splendor of the eclipse, I knew we, on the spinning sailing earth, are but a speck. I know we are making a mess of things: wars, pollution, gouging the earth for oil and gas and gold and jewels, changing the climate, and trashing the landscape. We hate as much as we love. We destroy as much as we create. Yet, there is hope. In spite of our weaknesses we do love. We do create. Like the moon in eclipse, we sometimes fall into shadow, but God’s light shines, ready for us when we are ready for it. The cosmic dance continues, and Orion reminds me that Love remains…the Lord’s mercy endures forever.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: cosmos, creation, grace, hope, light, lunar eclipse, mercy, present to the moment, quiet prayer

September 24, 2014 By Mary van Balen 1 Comment

Living in Black & White

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

We sat across from each other studying the wine list. The middle eastern restaurant had moved to a more spacious location since I had last eaten there and the menu layouts had changed too. That wasn’t the reason why we didn’t have any idea what to order when the waitress stopped by our booth. We had been discussing the movie we had just seen: The Giver.

“Can I get you ladies something to drink?”

“Merlot.”

“Pino Noir,” and waters with dinner.”

The waitress nodded and disappeared.

“Do you think we live our lives in black and white?” my friend asked.

If you haven’t seen the movie, the parts that deal with the people in the community living n the present are in black and white.By the end of the movie that had changed. Not as dramatic as “The Wizard of Oz,” but you get the idea.

Her question forced me to think. Despite writing and writing and writing about living in the moment and the importance of being present to grace in the moment (the name of my column), I fessed up to running around as hurried as most, muti-tasking, and indulging in other behaviors that distract from the present.

“Thich Nhat Hanh says when you wash dishes, washing dishes in the most important thing in the world, and when you drink tea, drinking tea is the most important thing in the world,” I offered. Then admited to slurping a mouthful of tea from a mug on my table while preparing to present a retreat on journaling into prayer a couple of weeks ago, moving from room to room gathering materials, jotting notes, and checking lists. “I guess that’s living my life in black and white.”

“You ladies ready to order?”

No, not even close. We had barely looked at the menu. My friend made our apologies.

“I’ll be back.”

“I know,” my friend said. “I’m usually doing so many things at once. I mean I walk the dog thinking I’ll get outside and appreciate the season, but end up on the phone touching base with the kids, figuring out schedules, just keeping on top of things, so when I get back home I realize I didn’t see a thing,”

After a couple more attempts, the waitress quit asking. She just made eye contact and moved on.

In the movie, so much was controlled to avoid conflict and suffering. But at what cost? What would it mean for us to break out of black and white living?

“You know, the other night I came home after work and grocery shopping and stepped out of the car. The air was cool and clear. Night was a hour or so away, and the sky still showed some color: blues and a bit of orange. The brighter stars were visible overhead. I stood still for a few moments and threw my arms out wide. “Glorious!,” I whispered. “Glorious!” I called out loud, stretching my arms as wide a possible as if I could pull it all inside of me, living in color.

van Gogh Cafe Terrace Place du Forum Arles 1888

Living in color doesn’t always feel so good or look so pretty. When I cried out of hurt and frustration the other day, that was living in color. I allowed myself to feel, facing what I’d rather not. Perhaps it would’ve been more pleasant to ignore the feelings, to live in black and white. What about reading the headlines, or listening to a hurting child. Technicolor. I thought of van Gogh. Such suffering. Such color.

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

The ancient questions about suffering and death and ‘Where is God in that?’ thoughts came to mind. God invited Job to trust, and to live in wild, uncontrollable color. Jesus did too. Even when the color was blood red.

Back to the moment. We decided to split a dinner platter and eat our way around colorful plate of humus, baba ghanoush, bean salad, slaw, rice, falafel, and stuffed grape leaves.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: creation, grace, Grace in the Moment, Presence, present to the moment, The Cafe Terrace Place du Forum Arles, The Giver, van Gogh

September 1, 2014 By Mary van Balen 2 Comments

“Get Away” or “Get on Board”

Christ in the House of Mary and Martha by Jan Vermeer 1665

As I listened to today’s Gospel reading, I pictured Jesus telling Peter to get out of the way, leave, calling him “Satan” to boot. Peter had protested Jesus’s statement of his impending suffering and death. It didn’t fit into Peter’s understanding of what Jesus was about and he didn’t hesitate to say so. Jesus knew what he was about and knew that living his life faithfully would enrage those in power. Suffering and death were in the cards. The only way to avoid it would be to be untrue to his call, and Jesus would have none of that.

In his homily, Fr. Denis put a different spin on Jesus’ response to Peter. Rather than telling Peter to “go away,” Jesus was admonishing him to “get on board.” “Get behind me” can mean “get with the game plan,” “support me.” I’d never thought of it that way, but it made sense. Why would Jesus want to banish the one he had just called “the rock,” the solid foundation of the church? He wouldn’t. He would, instead, point out the problem and encourage Peter to support him.

That’s heartening. Many times I’m sure my understandings or concerns get in the way of God’s work in and through me. What I think would be most productive may not be so. We just can’t see the whole picture. None of us can. A friend of mine in St. Louis pointed that out in her last email. While it may be convenient or seem best to paint the militarized police force as “bad guys,” it isn’t that simple. Dialogue, peace, and progress won’t happen until we banish that “Satan” and engage one another in open conversation. Demonizing either side makes true reconciliation impossible. Yet, in the heat of the moment, many of us are inclined to see narrowly and act out of misconception.

Icon Mina and Jesus

Giving ourselves to Jesus’ mission of love and transformation of the world surely entails suffering for each of us. Life is hard. Loving is hard. Embracing our vocations, as they unfold throughout our lives, is made a bit easier with the support of friends and family. Their love doesn’t do away with the hard work, difficulties, and suffering we encounter, but it helps us “keep on keeping on” as Pete Seeger used to say.

Jesus spent time at the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He enjoyed meals and walks and conversations with friends and disciples. Jesus didn’t want to boot Peter because he didn’t see the big picture. Jesus wanted him standing squarely behind him, supporting him even when what he did made no human sense. Jesus wanted Peter to live like he believed the declaration he had made: You are the Messiah, the Son of God. Jesus wants us to live that way, too, trusting in the big picture we cannot see.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: friends, grace, Keep on keepin' on, love, Peter, support

August 26, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Join Me for a Journaling Retreat

mkvbh-210-Journal_from_je Journaling has long been a way of prayer for me. Writing can help me be present to the moment, aware of Grace in ordinary experiences. It also helps me reflect on life as it unfolds. Sometimes it’s a book or movie that touches my spirit. Sometimes a passage from Scripture or a photo, or a conversation. It might be current events or listening to YoYo Ma.

What begins as thoughts and feelings scribbled across pages becomes prayer: Lament, thanksgiving, plea for help, or simple amazement. My journals are my books of prayer.

Come join me on Sept. 13 at Corpus Christi Center of Peace and begin to create your own. We will spend the day exploring different approaches to journaling. Whether you are new to the practice or an experienced journaler, you’ll find something new to take home with you.

Journaling the Journey flyer for Corpus Christi CoP 2014-1

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: creation, grace, Grace in the Moment, journaling, prayer, present to the moment, spirituality

August 12, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

A Bad Hair Sunday

PHOTO:Mary van Balen

One look in the mirror told me I would not get away without washing and blow drying my hair. It is cut short for a few reasons. Besides liking how it looks, I also like being able to run a brush through it and head out to work, the grocery store, whatever. I thought I could do that on Sunday, so I dressed for work thinking I’d attend mass at St. Thomas, visit with friends, and then head to work. No so much.

Instead, I attended a church just a few minutes away. I would have time to return home and tame that head of hair. CPAP machine or Providence, not sure which did the job on my hair, but the service was filled with just what I needed to hear. I had written last week’s column on the OT reading and in the process had read through Mass readings for the week. Still, hearing the three readings proclaimed provides a fresh look, as does the homily.

The day began with feelings of frustration and discouragement: No news on the book, as usual. Working still selling stuff. My house was a mess. I hadn’t slept well. Generally, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and unsure how to shake free of my “mood.”

Singing helps. One of the wonderful things about church on Sunday is singing. I used to sing all the time, guitar in hand, by myself or with others at sing-a-longs or other gatherings. Years ago, I had painted a sun and flower on my guitar case along with the words “How Can I Keep from Singing,”one of my favorites sung by Pete Seeger. So, belting out a few good songs feels good. Three singers including a piano player kept the tempo up and their harmonies were stirring. The words of the readings sunk deep into my heart: Elijah had to listen closely to hear a whisper…Jesus needed to take time to pray, by himself, in quiet…Peter did OK walking on water until he took his eyes of Jesus. Then he began to sink.

I need to pray in quiet times, not only as I go about my day at home and at work. While that prayer is also important, it’s different. Sometimes silence is what I need to listen, to hear. Taking one’s eyes off God is easy to do. Walking on water or making it through another day at work, it’s all the same. Lots of distractions. Lots of opportunities to focus on one’s self or what isn’t going as one hopes or what is. Jesus was about Love and service, and listening to the One who sent him into this world. It doesn’t sound difficult or at least not impossible. I suppose, at the moment, walking on water didn’t sound difficult to Peter either. It wasn’t as long as he walked in faith.

I was feeling better. I could take some quiet time before work. Eucharist was nourishing. As if all that were not enough, the closing song was none other than “How Can I Keep From Singing.” I couldn’t. Thinking of Pete Seeger and others who have walked this earth faithful witness to Love and service, I sang all the way home.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: grace, hope, love, Pete Seeger, prayer, quiet prayer

August 6, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Patience

PHOTO: Mary van Balen

Almost three years ago, I bought a Christmas cactus plant at Trader Joe’s. It was my first Christmas in my apartment and the plant looked cheery. It wasn’t big. Actually, it looked as if someone had stuck three stems in a pot of dirt. But it had blossoms. I took it home and placed it on a little prayer “table” that held a book of daily readings, a small cross, and a smattering of sea shells, small stones, and a feather. I think it liked its home because it bloomed at Christmas, but also at other times during the year.

Once, I found a single leaf-like pad had fallen from the main stem. I wondered if it would root if I stuck it in the dirt around the plant. So, I did. I watched it for months. It didn’t wither or turn brown or black, so I figured it was still “alive.” Every month or so, I’d check. No change. A year passed. Nothing. One day I pulled at it gently to see if it had rooted at all. It didn’t offer any resistance, but when I lifted it a bit I could see a white thread-like root, I assumed, so I quickly pushed the leaf-pad back into the soil.

Months passed. Then, a few days ago, when I watered all my plants, including the Christmas cactus, I saw it: A tiny pale green leaf pad growing right out of the top of the one that had been sitting in that dirt for a couple of years! Amazing. A smile spread across my face. I could never bring myself to pull up the leaf, but really, I didn’t expect it ever to grow.

Patience. Some things just take time. I never guessed what work was going on inside that little leaf that looked as if it had been doing nothing for the past year and a half. You just never know. We can be the same, often not a good judge of what is growing and changing in others or even within ourselves. If we believe the Spirit dwells within every person, then shouldn’t we also believe that something is growing within each of us? That God is up to good, even when we see no evidence?

Patience with others. Patience with ourselves. Patience with God’s time.

I called my sister to tell her the news.

“I forgot to show you when you were over tonight. The Christmas cactus leaf is growing!

She promised to have a look when she stopped by next time she stopped over.

“It reminds me of the parable of the fig tree,” she said. “You know, the one where the fig tree doesn’t produce fruit, and the owner wants to pull it out, but the gardener says ‘give me another year…'”

It did:

Luke 13, 6-9 Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’

“‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”

The little Christmas cactus needed longer than a year. I’m not sure if the scripture passage suggests that God is patient, or that we’d better get going because God won’t wait forever. I think God waits. It’s earth-time that runs out. When it does, I believe God is there, ready to celebrate what has sprouted from the bit of Divine Self planted in each of us.

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: Christmas cactus, creation, faith, grace, hope, Patience, plants

July 29, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Inching Into This Century: Amazing Bluetooth

outside with speaker I’m not completely Bluetooth challenged. I have a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse for my computer and iPad. But, last week, after a year without anything to play music in my house (unless you count the TV, which I hate to use because the entire time the CD is on, so is the TV’s blue screen), I decided to shop and not return without a speaker of some sort to use with my ipod/ipad. I’ve procrastinated too long to buy an iHome docking radio and speaker. Why didn’t I buy that one I saw at Target six months ago. Now, my 4th generation iPod is “old,” its 30 pin connector replaced by “lightening connect.”

I drove to the closest Apple store. No matter what you think of Apple products, their stores are full of knowledgeable people who get paid to help you. The man who helped me sort through bluetooth speakers was a musician and did some music producing on the side. How lucky could I get. He didn’t mind endless questions, playing and replaying classical music through speakers until I narrowed it down to two. Other customers were turning to look at us as my Apple guy turned the volume up so I could hear differences between how the two handled volume and put out bass as compared to midrange signals.

“They’re looking at us,” I ventured. “Maybe it’s too loud.”

“No problem. You’re just as important as any other customer here. You need to hear the sound before you can know what you like.”

I deferred.

And walked out with a cool cylindrical speaker that I can take anywhere. It is water resistant so if it gets caught out in the rain, no problem. You can even use it in the shower if you want, as long as it not directly in the water stream. OK. I don’t need it in the shower.

The next hurdle was loading my iPod with music, something I had been avoiding. Emboldened by my purchase, I did just that. So, today, I decided to do some writing outside. I put my iPod near a window and set the speaker along with my computer and a cup of tea on the table in the backyard. Amazing. Bach and I outside, watching big dark clouds blow by. I savored the cool air and prayed that the yard service across the street would stop at trimming with a weed whacker and leave the grass cutting to a sunnier day. Nothing drives me inside faster than people cutting lawns. My lungs hurt just thinking about it.

No grass cutters. No rain. Just beautiful music and thoughts and a computer to receive them.

I love quiet and don’t mind spending entire days in silence getting in touch with Grace in my life. I also love music. It has its own way of helping us be in touch with the Sacred in our midst. Now I have music to go!

Filed Under: The Scallop Tagged With: Apple, Bach, grace, iPad, iPod, music, Presence

July 26, 2014 By Mary van Balen Leave a Comment

Grace of a Beautiful Morning

The Sower (Sower with Setting Sun) Van Gogh 1888

A loud alarm woke me around 7:30 this morning. Not my plan on a day off. I walked into the living room, looked out windows, trying to figure out what the emergency was. Turned out it was an Amber Alert from my smart phone. That was a first. Groggily I looked through email and then perused facebook. A fellow writing workshop participant, Lisa Nochols Hickman, has a new book out: Mercy and Melons: Praying the Alphabet. It sounds great. It’s also the second book she has published since our workshop. I know I haven’t been a slacker (negative self-talk my daughters would say) but while I have completed one book that was in process during the workshop, I have not made much progress on another that has been incubating in my mind. So, I packed up my computer and a few letters that needed mailed, and walked out my door, heading to Panera’s to write.

The beauty of the morning stopped me in my tracks. Cool clear air. Blue, blue skies. And hours and hours stretching before me. I stood in the driveway, gulping in the air, wishing I had memorized some of Mary Oliver’s poems. Even without her words, I could savor her spirit of knowing prayer in embracing the gifts of creation.

This morning’s gospel was the parable of the sower. I know God’s word sometimes falls on the parts of my heart that are rocky, or filled with thorns, or thin of nurture. But today, I prayed, may it fall on the part that is full of good soil, take root, and find its way into the words I write.

With gratitute: Thanks be to God!

Filed Under: The Scallop