Good Intentions

“Blue Moon Over Cincinnati” Bill Ingalls/NASA via Getty Images (Originally published in the Catholic Times, September 9, 2012 © 2012 Mary van Balen)

I write these words of the night of the Blue Moon. The last one we will see for a few years, it is most commonly defined as the second full moon in a month. (This is not the only definition, but perhaps the simplest.) This is also the day Neil Armstrong, first human being to set foot on the moon, was buried in Cincinnati. This conjunction of events seems fitting, and when I looked up at the moon peeking through clouds, I thought of the long years of research, planning, building, and training that preceded the first “leap for mankind.” Without such sacrifice, such disciplined use of time and energy, the momentous step would not have been taken.

Thursday’s readings for the Liturgy of the Hours address the importance of using time well and avoiding self-indulgence. Saint Paul, in Galatians 5, says we are “called to liberty,” and then warned his readers to be careful since “liberty will provide and opening for self-indulgence.” The Spirit calls us to be busy about “works of love,” but we do not always rise to the occasion. At least I don’t.

I had some time off work and following a few days of concentrated effort, I confess to accomplishing little today. I did use food I had on hand to make tomato sauce and bake the eggplant that was on the verge of spoiling. I cleaned the kitchen. I did a little writing, but not as much as I had hoped. I had good intentions, but according to Paul, since the temptation to self- indulgence is at odds with the Spirit, “you do not always carry out your good intentions.” That’s me.

I could have gone to Ohio Dominican’s library as I had the past two days. It is where I did much of my Master’s studying, and later lesson planning for classes I taught there, so the tables at the back of the top floor say: “Get to work!” No dishes call to be washed, or cell phone to connect to family and friends scattered around the country. I am less likely to indulge in games of solitaire on my computer when I am in the midst of book stacks and other students.

While there, I am not tempted to run to the store, sometimes to buy and sometimes to return what I should not have purchased in the first place. Life is just crammed with possibilities, and while not bad in themselves, they can worm their way into our consciousness and play on the self-indulgence gene. I made a run to the post office, but not until I had checked a few stores for notepaper I was convinced I needed for a letter. I found nothing and decided I should have simply cut some of the paper I had at home to the correct size and be done with it.

And of course, one of those stores was a bookstore, and I found myself looking at new arrivals and searching for journals to use in my upcoming retreat. I called my sister, talked with my two daughters, and before I knew it, the day had slipped away.

The temptation is to become discouraged with myself and waste more time feeling bad. That doesn’t help either. One of the good things I did this morning was to read one of Fr. Jim Smith’s homilies in the online magazine, “Celebration.” As I would expect, he had packed good stuff into those paragraphs. One I remembered when I was ready to give up on myself is that we can’t accomplish salvation ourselves. We show up of course, and give it our best effort, but in the end, God does the heavy work. And what’s more, God is so crazy about us that he/she doesn’t mind.

As I prepare for bed I hold on to that thought. And the bit of proverbial wisdom: Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Mary van Balen will be giving a day-long workshop/retreat on “Journaling the Journey: A Day of Writing into Prayer,” on September 29, 2012. Visit staging.maryvanbalen.com or call 740.503.3987 for information.