PHOTO: Mary van Balen My day off. No alarm set. Still, I rose early, before much light filtered through the blinds. I slipped into some comfortable clothes, feeling for their familiar fabric rather than turning on lights that would shatter the calm of darkness. Jeans, I knew, hung over the back of the chair by my bed. A cotton T. A sueded jacket to ward off chill.
In the kitchen, I lifted the electric kettle to feel the weight of water it held. Enough for a mug of tea. I moved a beeswax candle from my office to the dining room table and lit it. The flame jumped erratically throwing out strobe-like flashes of light. Alternating bright and dark were distracting. I blew out the candle and had a look at the wick. It needed trimmed, and once relit, burned with the steady warm glow of beeswax.
I chose a favorite, round mug made by a potter in Woods Hole on the Cape, drawing sea, salt, and friends into my morning. Just enough dawn to allow me to pour boiling water over the tea bag and stop before it overflowed.
“Honey,” I thought. Usually, I drink tea black, but honey was right. Gifts of wax and sweetness from the work of thousands of industrious insects graced time to sit quietly in the Presence of the One who made them.
After sitting still for a while, I picked up the prayer book laying open and upside down on the table and moved the candle closer to help my aging eyes gather enough light to read.
“Sunday? I haven’t read from this since Sunday?”
Before reading the psalms for today, I looked at a reflection for yesterday’s gospel, written Paula Huston: A Fresh and Radical Way. In the gospel, Jesus told his followers that the Temple would be destroyed, not a stone left on a stone. The disciples were incredulous…and worried. No one, as Ms. Huston points out, wants to be caught off guard. We like to know what is coming and when so we can prepare for it.
Ah, but life does not unfold so neatly.
“But first the old order must die. Although they – and we- will no doubt tremble at the earth shattering demise of what we have tried so hard to understand and control, we are not in fear. For then our struggles to avoid suffering will be over. Then “there shall be no more death or mourning, waiting or pain,” and God…will blot the tears from our faces. (Rev 21.4).
Huston in “Give Us This Day,” Novemeber, 2011, p.235.
Do we all have some things we try to understand and control? Some things that cause us pain and that need to be let go? Don’t we all cling to idols, even when we know they take us further from the One we long for? Don’t some things, even good things, crumble for reasons we cannot fathom?
I answer “yes” to all of the above. Sitting in early morning darkness with those words drew me deeper into the Heart that holds me. “Trust,” I told myself. “Trust.”
Then Wednesday’s Scripture reading, Judith 9.11-12: “Your strength is not in numbers, nor does your might depend upon the powerful. Your are God of the lowly, helper of those of little account, supporter of the weak, protector of those in despair, savior of those without hope. Please, please…God of the heritage of Israel, Master of heaven and earth, Creator of the waters, King of all you have created, hear my prayer!
Another feeling. Anger. Anger at a Congress that cannot respond to the needs of those Judith prays for. The Super Committee failed to reach an agreement this week. No big surprise, but until the deadline passed, hope remained. Clinging to a pledge not to raise taxes, Republican members of the committee refused to consider any proposal that included increasing tax revenue. As often happens, the most vulnerable among us pay the price.
Anger threatened to take over the quiet. Judith must have been angry as well, when her people were threatened by invading Assyrians. In what looked like a hopeless situation, she remained hopeful. She relied on God and trusted in the Holy One’s Presence. Armed with prayer and faith, she walked into the enemy’s camp, and using an ingenious scheme, struck down their leader. She recognized the victory, not as her own, but as God’s.
In these days when financial failures shake economies around the globe, and when solutions are no where to be found, we can follow Judith’s example: Pray, trust, and act. She did not wait for God to turn the army away. She trusted God would be with her as she carried out her plan.
Daylight is coming through the windows. I leave the time of quiet and move into my day striving to let go of fear and anger and to hold on to hope and trust.
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