PHOTO: MARY VAN BALEN
Rely on the mighty Lord;
constantly seek his face.
Recall the wondrous deeds he has done
Ps 105, 4-5a
My spiritual director has to remind me from time to time to reflect on the history of Gods Presence in my past. This usually is necessary when I am struggling with my present. The Holy Mystery remains so mysterious that I cannot catch even a glimpse. My life, while interesting, is in chaos and I cannot discern a path. I am stuck in the midst of a plethora of possibilities or languishing for lack of any.
During these times I dont feel much like rejoicing or proclaiming Gods wondrous deeds as the Psalmist suggests a few verses before these. The rest of the Psalm recounts Gods providential care of Israel until, in the end; Gods people had possession of the land and its wealth and could shout Hallelujah!
As I read and reread this Psalm, the plight of Joseph resonated with me. Not his final triumph, becoming the kings right hand man, but the time of betrayal and imprisonment that preceded it. wondered what he was thinking then. Was he trying to remember how God had been faithful to the covenant in the past and to trust that the Holy One would be faithful to him as well?
My spiritual director was right, as she usually is. Some times are dark and confusing, and no clear path reveals itself, no right way is discernable, no choice is in my power to make. At such times, rather than mentally moving frantically from one possibility to another, I need to wait and remember my history with God. When I am able to chose and move on, I will look back, like Joseph in his glory, and see Gods tracks in my chaos, in others lives entwined with mine in ways I may someday know and in ways I could never imagine. Then I will be able to sing Hallelujah!
© 2010 Mary van Balen
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